Brittany - Beyond Beautiful;;

Eleven Twenty Eight Oh Nine .

I just got home from the most horrible trip. At last I’m home; Things didn’t go how I wanted them to go. But hey I’m used to that by now- Yanno? Anyways, So I let him go hang & when I called him nd told him to go home he didn’t. Hmm, Makes me wonder. That just goes to show that he don’t give a damn what I say. Once I finally trust him he TAKES ADVANTAGE crazy huh? Well yeah I’m done talking about his dumbass mistakes. But thats alright though, Because I’m going to still Do Me !

O U DNT CARE? U LOVE ME AN DNT MATTER WAT HAPPEN U AIN’T GOIN NOWHERE AN DATS A PROMISE!

11.19.09

I’m so sick of everything & everyone. Doesn’t people understand I go through enough? I mean damn. Why can’t everything just go right? I’m tired of them treating me like crap. When I don’t even do anything. It seems as if it doesn’t even matter how many times I say i’m fed up with shit, it seems as if he doesn’t even care. Hmm. Wonder why? But really I don’t even give a fuck anymore.

hey dis ya boy willie comin through on da most beautiful girl which is brittany my girlfriend’s page to say how much her words really did mean to me sometimes cumin up in  life for guys my age we can be real stupid at times not knowing wat we have rite in front of us, not sayin all guys are like dat but most of them are i made mistakes in my life dat i completely made da girl i love most feel like shit, an ya i know she shouldn’t feel that way never, any girl shouldn’t feel dat way, but my point is i don’t wanna loose my girl over str8 simple bs im to smart for dat an i hope everyday goes by dat i cum to my right mind an realize how much she loves me an care about. ya i know hanging out wit friends aren’t the most important thing ever wen it comes to her, i just wanna say brittany baby i love with every feeling in my heart an i hope we can work throughout life because its finna be 2 yrs da longest relationship for both of us im really lookin forward to it u did your part now its time for me to do mines as a man by goin 100% in all i do!

welcome new me!

continued 11.15.09

Tonight- It was wonderful I seen him! Its been a week since the last time I seen him. Shhh, he doesn’t know yet but when he first got here my heart was pounding faster than anything in the world. I was putting on the biggest front anyone could ever put on. I wanted to kiss him & jump into his arms the moment he walked into my room. I never been so excited to see him! Words can’t even explain how happy he makes me & how much I love him. Hes made my whole entire night! He makes me feel like I’m floating or something. I’m on cloud 9 you hear that babyboy? You are everything to me & without you i’d be nothing right now. I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you. You are my number 1 baby. & I love you with all my god damn heart! Please know that Willie Frankell Bates!

11.15.09

Brooke- I freaking love you! You mean the world to me & I want you to know that babygirl. I know we argue all the time but you know what they say if bestfriends don’t fight & argue then they aren’t consider bestfriends. So I guess we are supposed to do what we do. You know? Trust me I do love you even though i’m a bitch sometimes ;; You got to understand thats just me. I don’t mean to be & i’m sorry if you ever thought I meant it purposely. I love having you as my bestfriend, everyday(you might not believe this) when i’m getting ready to go to school I get soo ready to go to school to see you. Because I know that whatever i’m going through you always can make me happy & you always can make me overcome my problems. You are there whenever I need you, Its kinda crazy because NO LIE you are almost as important as willie. Brooke you play a very important role in my life girl. You got to understand that! I’m going to do everything I can to keep you in my life. I couldn’t ask for anyone better as a bestfriend. You are my other half. Two peas in a pod. Sweetie I love you no matter what okay? You are my everything & I honestly love you from the bottom of my heart :)

11.14.09

Today- I’ve bummed it all day! i don’t know what I’m doing to myself, I feel like I’m Breaking myself down. I stress everyday, I wishh things could just get better for me. Nothing good ever happends to Brittany. Life is all so wrong! When most people out there are living the best life they could ever live. Its fucked up how I get treated, Its fucked up how the people I need aren’t never there when I need them. Its 10:28 & I’m crying for the first time in a lonng time. Why? I don’t even know. I keep asking myself “Why me?” What did I do to deserve this? It keeps getting worse for me day by day. Well when is that day going to come when everything is at its best. When am I going to stop getting lied too, When am I going to start getting treated better. When will he realize how bad I feel inside, When will I stop being taken for granted. I do & do for him and all he does is take advantage. I take back everything I posted in that bulletin yesterday. ERASE IT ALL! I want to apologize to myself for everything i’ve done ;; I’ve managed to hurt myself so much. I think its time to throw my past in the garbage & Start over again. Its going to be the most hardest thing i’ve ever done in my whole 15 years of living. But i’m going to start over ;; I’ve always told myself that the best way to do it is to get out of alabama. & I think i’m finally going to do it. Its time ;; I love everyone here but I can’t take it anymore. I’m sorry.

Brittany Nicole Bagwell : i fight wit you because i love you .& where would we be without fightin , some of the things we fight over is stupid but sometimes i just feel like im not wanted & im just so freakin glad i got you as my best friend! Because you are there when no one else is not , & i thank you for that . ive never had a friend that treats me so good , & dont laugh with others when they joke on me ; & thats what i love about you girl . there are probably alot of other things i could write but ; the one true quote i will sayy is ; thank you for being my best friend i love you BNB :)

11.12.09

So today is my first day of posting & I’m not to sure what to say but here it goes. Everything all happend so quickly not exactly even time to know what to do or even how to react. Running out the door was the first thought ; So I went with the plan. Running scared & really actually thoughtless just making sure I got away. Hiding out in creapy places not knowing even who was around or who might have seen me. But at the time I wasn’t concerned about that, finding somewhere to be. Somewhere safe ;anywhere but home was my main concern then. Staying with a complete stranger, did that bother me? Actually no. She took me in as her own ; I thank her for everything shes done for me because really she didn’t have to do nothing for me at all. Even sleeping outside ; cold NO more like freezing. As days have been going by moving around and traveling from place to place. House to house ; people to people. Feds looking investigations going on. Seems like she just wants to keep braking me. Doesn’t she know regarless of how bad she thinks she can do damage nothing will ever make me fall apart. I’m still going to be Brittany Nicole Bagwell. And yes T.A.B thats a T H R E A T ! Naw make that a muther fucking PROMISE.

Continued ;; 11.13.09

Where do I even start- First off i’m truely afraid scared that I might actually be on the urge of loosing Willie I mean I might just be overreacting but who knows I mean I do have the right to feel this way ;; I am human. But I mean its like I don’t even know him anymore, ever since all this crap has been happening its been hard to even think straight about us. Well thats what he says. I don’t really know what exactly us fading away means & its going to be so hard to gain us back. This isn’t the only time this happend though its been happening for a lonng time now. Back to back. Is that okay ; uhh no, not at all. I’ve been trying for so lonng to just get him to understand that he just needs to leave all that BS alone & just be with me. Guess he doesn’t get that does he? I don’t want to loose him because I absolutely love him with all my heart and I honestly can’t even imagine being without him. Is that sain? Most people would say yes, You can’t live your life based apon a guy. He isn’t just any guy though thats how I feel. I mean the way he touches me, The way he looks at me, The way that when we kiss sparks fly(& have been flying for a year 1/2 now) How he makes my whole body crawl with chills, How still till this day I get butterflies when I know hes coming to see me. Its almost as if I can’t even loose interest in him and even if I ever tried it wouldn’t work. I’m in love with him ;; Its a crazy feeling but i like it. Never thought a guy would get me this hard before at first I didn’t want it to happen but this feeling in my heart told me that he was the one he just had to be, So I gave it a chance and look where we are at now. I’m now at the point where i’ve decided that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I want to grow old with him, I want everything to just be PERFECT. I want him to need what I need. I need him to want what I want. He always says that its hard for him to explain his feelings but I think if he set his mind to it then he can do it ;; just as good as I can. He always thinks that I bitch at him just to bitch at him, but i’m just looking at his best interests I want him to be knowledged in this whole relationship thing. I don’t mean no harm I just want to help him out- I just don’t think he will ever understand that. Maybe he will one day, I don’t want to loose my paitence with him though. I can’t be mad at him and hold it against him though just because he isn’t all that smart as I am when it comes to relationships. I don’t never mean it purposely when I yell at him I just want him to comprehend it you know? I want him to know that he never ever should have worries about me ;; I’m not going anywhere(well at least I hope I don’t have too) I just really need him to know that he has my whole entire life and I don’t need him playing around anymore because its serious. No games, No play. Just me and him together- US!